~ on endings ~

Endings can be bitter and unclean they can feel final
yet their residue can linger
little fingers playing
fraying
eroding the fragile remnants
of a friendship, a family
or our long-hoped for dreams

Endings can be dramatic
full of the fire of destruction
damaging
devastating
destroying the delicate tendrils
of any love that once was
or a love that could
maybe should
despite it all
remain

Endings can be cautious
can take their time
and yours
weeks, months, years
pain, anguish, tears
gingerly stepping up to and away
from an edge that feels too sharp
too high
too hard
to face
a holding back
a resisting
of that one last embrace

Endings can be messy
a stumble, slur
a drunken dance
a trance
intoxicated
by our own uncharted emotions
seduced
by our sweet strangled truth
we carelessly drop the past and stretch forward
severing, tearing apart the boundaries of our lives
our hearts
as we try to start
anew

Endings
can be smooth
benign
a mutual agreement
merely to sign
a simple slipping away
from the sanctity
the sacredness
of another stage
another play
yet full of honour and
self-respect
a simple surrender
to a naturally changing state
and moving forward
with gifts we both cherish and
remember

But most endings
come with some sadness and pain
the growing, awkward challenges of loss and gain
the pin-pricks and punctures
the paralysis and purge
as pasts are let go
and too
our needing to control
to know
as patterns reconfigure
as hopes are unhinged
as our hearts are handed over like house keys
we are eventually
from its chains
exquisitely released

Our endings
un-ended
not intended
are some times full of rage
or heavy with shame
though no one is often
really to blame
the fullness of feelings
hidden, stuffed beneath the mat
buried treasure not bought back
from the peddler of time

they can become our
smudged, rough-handled
tattoos
the indelible ache
of all our taboos
distorted
wrinkling
memories collapsing upon themselves
as we age

Endings
are simply beginnings
in another
sometimes more complicated form
they offer up a necessary pause
a place to sit, reflect and rest
before we move forward

as we let go of the old
so we allow in the new
let us do so with kindness
with grace and
love too

(C) Chandu Bickford 2018