~ the call ~

You know it.

You know you know it.
You have never known anything more fully  in your life.

You know it is real.
That this is really yours – because all your cells are singing.
Shrieking.
Your insides are aflame.
Humming.
Hungry.

Beneath your thundering heart, you are trembling.
A tender, new, hope-full part of you is coming alive, is opening… swells.

You have not fallen under a spell.
You have never felt more clear.
More assured.
In this moment you know that anything is possible.
That these opportunities are perfect, have been created just for you.
You see it, you know – that you are the magic and the magician.
Both the master and the maker of this, your destiny.

And you are sure. So sure.
That this is yours.
That you will make it, take it.
That this is the very thing you have been waiting for – the sign, the opening, the chance.
You are ready.
Willing. Able.
You want it so bad.
And you will do anything to make it happen.

Until you don’t.

Something happens.
An invisible veil falls across your face.
The certainty that you felt only seconds before is slipping away.
It has all become too scary.
It suddenly seems so out of reach.

What was a definite is now an impossible.
Your ideas seem delusional.
Down-right dumb.

Embarrassed by your boldness, your eagerness, and excitement, by your believing this to be true, you step in and start to shame yourself.
Shoulders slump.
Hope slips away.
You tell yourself…
‘It was a dream.
A silly idea.
How could I deserve such a thing?
Who am I to even to dare??’

Doubt overrides.
Dullness and despair descend.
Your hope-fuelled heart falters, fails.
You begin to give up – before you even begin.

Be it a lover, a new project, career move or friend, after the enormous euphoria of our initial ‘YES’, our mind swoops in with evidence stacked for all the reasons it should now be a ‘No’.

Our inner pendulum swings like a wild monkey – from the definitive and defiant, to that of our greatest doubt.
And soon after, a long, slow tug-of-war begins.

We dance between our desire and our doubt.
We baulk at making the courageous choice to turn towards our dreams. We slide into distraction, self-flagellation, procrastination or like a coward, silently, slink away – from our longings, from our deepest desire, from our secret, most treasured truths.

Yet hidden between the drama of our highly reactive yes and no, lies a quiet and tender space – called rest.

Here we find the gentle cusp where the great leap made by our intuitive heart can sit quietly and catch her breath. A space where she can wait patiently for our human head to catch up.

Here, in this sacred in-between space, we can witness the dance of spirit, wisdom and divinity swirl and sort out all the details.

Here, if we are aware, and willing, we can step aside and watch the wonder of our brain, our heart and deep intuitive nature, do battle.

And we can watch all of them win.
For each has their own genius, their own innate intelligence.
They can lead us with their mastery, towards a place of understanding, of courageous choice, decisive action and higher love.

We can rest in this place and allow our great dreams and aspirations to be assimilated, absorbed, attuned.
Here, we can gather that which we already know and also wait for new information to integrate and appear.

Here we can sift, sort and surrender our small ideas to our higher purpose, we can utilise the treasure of deep listening for ourselves, and attune our hearts to the call.

It can be easy to become distracted, to fracture our tender dreams by folding to our initial overwhelming fears.

That first bold ‘Yes’ is often exactly right, but we need time to adjust our vision, our awareness and capabilities to adapt to its huge new size.

Give yourself time to rest, to stretch and grow into a new idea.

Ask for help if you need it – from someone you can trust. From someone who sees your greatness and will reflect it back to you. Someone who knows you can do it. And that you deserve to.

And most of all, trust yourself.

For the call doesn’t come often.
It is a gift.
Listen for it.
Learn to say Yes, with both the big and small parts of your heart.

And be ready.
For in those moments when we surrender – when we say Yes to all that we wish and all that we are – Grace has a way, of making it happen…in ways far greater, and with more ease and more blessing, than we ever could have imagined.

Even if it’s a whisper….say yes.

(C) Chandu Bickford